Hello all,
I wanted to write something real, like a truthful real thought train rant kind of post.
I am laying here, next to me is my beautiful daughter snuggling into me asleep and I am sat here wondering, how many people would actually be there if the scenario was your mental health was not so good in that moment?
Now, this came into my head after and old dispute came rambling into my train of all memories and thoughts I don’t want – like every night with OCD.
I wont go into loads of detail but, this scenario was one of the most hurtful to me. A very, very, good friend of mine, who similarly suffers with mental illnesses too, was once not there for me when I needed them the most. I mean I was in such a dark place and if you have ever been there, you know what I mean. I was in desperate need for someone to be there, someone other than my partner, who was more than supportive of me in these dark times, when it truly mattered, noone else was there. It hurt.
I am sat here, feeling like a very selfish person, as for the moment, I have had to come off of work from my new job, on sick leave because my anxiety had got so bad and I didn’t want it to get out of control like that time again – neither did my GP. So, he signed me off. He and I both agreed this would be beneficial, but I never thought I’d feel so guilty for being off and not being able to support my family financially. I should feel guilty right? Just get over it, it is only mental illness, it is only anxiety right? “Just get over it and stop doing ….. ” Are words I hear far too often.
Stop being so selfish – others struggle worse than you do – stop asking for attention – provide- be well- fake it till you make it – How is this acceptable? How is it I am made to believe that my mental state is not as important as yours? Why is it I should feel useless for not being able to work for a little bit to get better? Why do I have to force myself to go to work and hang out with friends like I am OK all of the time when in actual fact I am anxious and on the brink of a panic attack? because you can’t see what is going on in my head, that’s why.
This is not ok and it is about time something was done about this. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If you broke your leg, you wouldn’t walk it off, so why should I shrug it off. I am not weak, I am human and it is ok to feel “not so good all of the time” noone is happy 24/7. So, stop acting like we should and help others who need the help; offer a hug, an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a friend. Be kind to one another, spread happiness, do something nice for someone else and remember do something nice for you too and do not feel guilty about it.
Anyway, just a mini rant I am sorry ahah, but this is how it has been in the past, well so it seems. Many people I have spoke to feel the same too.
On the plus side, as of right now, I am doing better. I am able to appreciate what I do have and I try my very best to not worry about what I don’t have. I know being a little “selfish” right now, in the long run, is a good thing for both me and my family and I am greatful that I was able to notice – myself – that my mental health wasn’t the best and I am proud of that.
We can fight this battle against mental health together. We have got this.
I am now going to shut up rambling and go a snuggle even more with my princess and ignore these racing thoughts.
– Stay Well
– Fruitloop Xx
Parenting FruitloopStyle 